just

Every now and again when walking home at night I'm gripped by a sudden urge to drop everything and just lie down on the pavement.  Mostly it's because I am tired - physically and emotionally - at the end of an exhausting day.  It is not exactly a hopelessness.  It feels more like an expletive to the world, to just lay down and give up for the time being.  A sort of dis-engagement from the daily grind, from being human, but mostly from myself and my thoughts.

Were I to try this however I would probably feel incredibly self conscious or strange, get back up and go home.