the divide

It is inherently frustrating to be the type of person that doesn't let others in easily. So to take initiative and step out of the comfort zone and open the inner social sanctum of my life to new people is more than difficult. It can be downright paralyzing. There's a certain back and forth. It depends on the person, sometimes it's easy, other times it can be downright hard. The worst is when the decision backfires, or feels like it has - to have misjudged the integrity of the subject. Self recrimination being a strong suit - never a good feeling.

New people are hard nuts to crack, half the time it doesn't seem worth it - until it does.

This is a complete juxtaposition to my relationship with H. One of the surprisingly healthier relationships in my life (yes friendship is a relationship). I find that invariably when I'm annoyed with something (or someone) I talk to H about it and get an incredibly simple yet wise answer. Not to mention the almost but not quite cringe worthy level of honesty. It's kind of a shame that neither of us have any sort of interest in each other in the long term, besides as friends. As Damien would say "the boy girl LEGO doesn't fit", except that it probably does, but it's a moot point.

Of note - Siberian Divide by Mastodon has a sequence that sounds like it's been lifted from 46&2 and it's the collaborative song of Mastodon and Cedric Bixler-Zavala. Like a perfect mesh of the best worlds.