I've summoned the stampede of infidel feet

Time to get down to it. Not running tonight so I might as well write. It has been a great few days - actually the comment I find myself making most, especially to K is that fairly recently I've come to the conclusion that I have never felt this well adjusted in my life. How grand.

The sun came out while I was walking to work today and I was thinking about how Rugbey (yes I named my hard drive, and yes after my dead rat) almost sad mac'd yesterday and how it was fucking irritating that I'd have to put off getting a new bike. Well well well, got to work and Eddie offered me his awesome vintage Norco. I hope the frame is tall enough, but Luis and I can work on it I think. Life is rosy no?

To completely digress into non sequitur, as I was talking to Ethan last night my mom came into my room and asked for my attention. She handed me an envelope and told me to read what was inside and discuss it with my friends and find out what I think and what we should do about it. Again - when did I become the de facto adult in the household? Since when do people come to me for advice on my sixteen year old half brother?

sidebar: there's a mosquito bite on my right hand and it fucking STINGS.

So I open the envelope and read this in class "essay" that my dear sibling had to write for his Grade 11 English class. It was supposed to be a comparative essay between mediums - I guess meta analysis. Instead of doing this my brother decided to write about how "jokes" the class was, how nice his teacher's Acura is, how he nor anybody else in his class read anything and just use "sparknotes". My personal favorite was the part where he wrote about Catcher in the Rye. Specifically that Holden Caulfield was "teh ghey" and that if "I ever met that kid I would fuck him in the ass". My dear brother wrote this in an in class essay. As Ethan says "he should be studied". Now I'm kind of insulted at this point because I tried to help him with Catcher in the Rye by rereading it while he was and the memory that sticks out is sitting on K's couch and laughing my ass off at this book. Moreover, one of those lame facebook quizzes said I was theoretically a literary similarity to J.D. Salinger - so I won't let my brother fuck my baby in the ass. That's just wrong on SO many levels. But the point of this whole thing is - I don't know what's going on with this kid, because sometimes I find myself actually thinking "if I weren't related to you, I'd want to be your friend". I guess it's a good thing N and I ended and I had to move home after all that time on my own, because this kid needs me around.

what do you say?

To the man who pulled you into the light? When he cannot offer you more than what you have now. And another wonderful person comes into the picture, and this man who brought you back to life specifically tells you not to get involved with them?

How do you balance? What if this actually becomes something? How do I explain to H? My heart is absolutely in pieces over the thought of him thinking less of me for this thing I endeavor to take on.

let the wheels burn

Why the fuck is everybody flipping out over Michael Cera? People have been bumping into him on the street lately - here in Toronto, and it's getting kind of lame. He's just a kid who happens to be an actor, a funny one but it's not like he's Clint fucking Eastwood.

And another thing, if I get asked to make plans while I'm in the middle of work, it's going to take a while for me to answer, so why do you even bother asking if you are just going to change your plans five seconds later? Fucking THINK.

I had a really really good weekend. Semi philosophical discussions amidst cigarette smoke in my rainy backyard are treasured. The next day at work it was so much easier to just tune everything out and just let muscle memory take over and think about all the things we talked about, to muse with the concepts we went through. The fact that we stayed up all night and then went to bed at around nine in the morning helped the rest of the day go by in a strange kind of slower than normal yet still enjoyable haze.

falling from grace because I've been away too long

I keep meaning to update on what's been happing during my travels. At the same time I want it to sink in and and flesh out the finer details later, as I'm apt to do. I have all these snippets of feelings, reflections and nuances that catch up with me and they need to formulate themselves into concrete sequences before I want to commit them to a blank screen.

Today was my first day back at work, it still feels so surreal. I was walking over and it was awesome to smell that not quite spring but more like summer smell of the trees coming into their ripeness. I was walking down the street and the proximity of my house to the airport is miniscule - there's a good view of planes approaching YYZ (Pearson Airport) for landing. I kept thinking "that was me two days ago, up there watching the cars, and now I'm here...walking to work, just three days ago I was in England". It felt strange. Just like going to Prof's poetry reading/awards ceremony, I was sitting on the subway for the first time in a month or so, and it felt completely strange and wonderful at the same time. It's almost indescribable.

I was supposed to have plans tonight but they got quashed. It's just as well because I hadn't realized exactly how tired I was. I watched some terrible television and then decided to read more of the Warren Ellis book - I seem to be getting through stacks of reading lately, it's great! In between that though I took a turn and started watching videos of Mastodon on Letterman and other live performances of theirs. I recollect walking home from work tonight listening to them and thinking "man I really like music that has torque". I don't even know if that makes sense. Then there was a brief tangent about what a ridiculously sexy word torque is.

Back to the point though. So I was watching Mastodon videos and I realized how completely different they are from some of the other bands I like - performance wise. I mean both Mastodon and the Mars Volta are at least fractionally progressive rock bands, and they both take no issue with putting out concept albums, they have even collaborated, however I guess their paths do tend to diverge after that. Correct me if I'm wrong, right now I don't feel like going into all the differences between the bands - both do have great album art though. Sometimes I think my musical scope must seem limited, I mean I've liked the same two bands for almost ever and Mastodon is a pretty new addition.

Anyway, what I noticed about Mastodon in their videos and even retroactively to their concert last month is that they're very serious in their posturing on stage, they sort of just stand there and do it. They do get into it but in a very straight, stand up way. I'm not sure how to describe it. Conversely when Cedric and Omar and the rest of the guys in the Volta start playing they go absolutely crazy with it and dance - maybe it's because their music is inherently more danceable. Consider - the salsa and latino influences - that might be it. They get completely lost inside that world and their inhibitions disappear and they just express their music through their bodies. It's great - and they did this even when they were a post core band (Cedric and Omar originally) - At The Drive In - I would say that ATDI's music was overall less danceable than Mars Volta's music, but not lesser.

Oblivion - Mastodon (this song has been stuck in my head for a whole month)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6pZNlVOmeI

Tetragrammaton (live) - The Mars Volta (one of my favorite songs off Amputechture)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T9eMKxjiLc&feature=related (around 1:31 is AMAZING, amongst other moments) Damn you Omar, damn you for your grace.

and part two (yes it's that long) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zykM-XOZIsY&NR=1

Which reminds me - Omar and Cedric dress so incredibly well. Why can't all men be this stylish, and while we're at it, uninhibited? This is also the first video/appearance where I realized that Omar was left handed....after five whole years. I feel so ignorant sometimes.

(Omar is the guitarist in the yellow shirt and black satin vest, Cedric is the singer)

Now I feel self conscious about my level of involvement in this stuff, but hey, it's what I love and what keeps me sane. Someone should pay me....