So

Feeling pretty miserable for the past few days. Some stuff went down on Friday, and not just Friday night, but basically from the morning all the way through to around 3-4pm. The word clusterfuck has been smoothly integrated into my vocabulary and it is bouncing around and the longer I've been aware of it the more it bubbles to the surface of my social life and begs to be utilized.

I was able to counteract the misery for one night with whiskey and vodka, and I don't even remember the night after. However last night was just horrible. I was alone, had nobody to talk to, and felt like I couldn't ask for anything, just take. I sat there and thought about how it would be stupid to just revert to the state that I've been working myself out of for the past ten months and decided that if I was going to be miserable - I should do it in style. So I went out and got a pint of Haagen Dasz and called it a night. It helped. Or maybe it was the endorphins from the walking. I got home and I ate the whole fucking thing (over several hours), and I felt gross, but at the same time, amazing. Then I put on some De Facto and listened to every single song on both CD's that I own. I got to Rodche Defects on Megaton Shotblast, and it was like something in me snapped into place.

http://www.imeem.com/choriso/music/QDJbhbxX/defacto-rodche-defects/

Honestly, I don't even want to describe it (the track), but for some reason it hit me in the most resonant places in the core of my being. It just felt that good. And suddenly everything was fine, and everything was going to be fine. I had that feeling of being somewhere you'd never been. As if I were remembering nightfall over a desert backyard in El Paso, string lights and torches, sun setting, people sitting around picnic tables, music piping in over a tinny radio and maybe one or two people getting up to dance. I could smell the earthy red dirt of the surroundings. Life made sense again.